When the going gets tough...

I am actually feeling slightly overworked but need to work MORE. My tutor the other day advised me to have a gap year before university, not because it would be a wonderful life changing experience(blah,blah,blah) but because she thought I would not get the grades to make it to my desired University place! Now coming from your tutor it can be disheartening but for me it's motivating. I've realised that the only time I am fully motivated and work driven is when I'm doubted by anyone. I know it sounds quite primary schoolish but its the way my mind works. So here I am even now writing this blog entry after how many donkeys of years-it means something right.

It's the EXAM season and I'm keeping myself busy all the time. I feel guilty if I am not making revison notes or sticking my head in a textbook( like right now) so I tend to always carry some revision notes around with me and pretend to revise whilst reading my emails or chatting on the phone.

I'm also looking forward to my holiday this summer( Canada) as it has been quite some time since I travelled out of europe. I'll be spending three weeks there and I simply can't wait!

alright erm my guilty conscious is seriously going in to emergency alert mode so I'll just merrily skip off and write more revision notes.

RefuGeeGirl

Room Clear-Out

My room is quite small and I was forever delaying my plans to sort and chuck out a lot of the useless junk I had lying around. So today I had little room makeover, I chucked out my old,battered double bed and now have a nice sleek, black and gold single bed. I also have more room for a desk after getting rid of the double bed which took up a LOT of space.

It's not a surprise that I found many things that had gone missing ages ago, such as my silver bangles, A text book about the history of Pompeii ( my librarian shall be pleased) pictures from when I was in year 10 of secondary school. The photographs brought a smile to my face, It seems like a lifetime ago when I thought that pouting in every photograph was 'cool' and attractive.

I want to re-paint my room and I seriously don't know what colour I should paint the walls. They are currently baby blue on two of the walls and lilac on the other two. The two colours were quite nice but I just want one colour this time on all four walls....anyone have any ideas?

I seriously need to do some revision now, it'll be nicer now that my room is not so clustered!
Another couple hours devoted to books( it'll be worth it) and then I can go off to sleeeeeeeeeep :)

RefuGeeGirl

Couch patatoe...me...NEVER

The last time I watched television was roughly around two/three months ago. I wanted to read more and use the time wasted on soaps and reality shows on doing something more useful.But instead I found myself using the internet more and watching the same programmes over the net.There I was trying to convince myself that if I'm not watching T.V then I wasn't really breaking the rules, just bending them a little. okay I admit I've just been deceiving myself, time to own up .....I have'nt been keeping up my new years resolutions!

Well maybe not all of them, but it's still early days so I'm just trying to get used to them(not an excuse). It has been quite a stressful beginning to the year. Three exams which I've only had a couple days to revise for since I spent the Christmas holidays lolling about. But something tells me I didn't do too badly in the first two(still got the last one to do).

I'm enjoying getting back to my old routine of reading though. I am currently reading 'A Thousand Splendid Suns" and I think it's great so far but I can tell its probably going to be another tearjerker by the incredible author Hosseini.

I'm on a wave of pure joy and happiness at the moment as everything seems to be going well, everyday I ask God for a small difficulty, by the end of the day, if I've solved it I thank God for helping me pull through.

Thats all my thoughts for today, until next time... Hasta la vista

RefuGeeGirl

happy new year!

I have had a terrible end to 2008, I have been so caught up in petty situations which have made me forget about the things I love and cherish.
It's a new year, which means a fresh new beginning. This year inshallah( God willing) is the year of BIG dreams and ambitions. Last year I was all over the place, waiting for things to make themselves right, assuming it will all be okay BUT they didn't....
Here are my new year resolutions:
> To work hard at everything I do and make the first attempt be my very best.
>spend more time with family and friends and make more of an effort.
>Beat procrastination, less time on sites such as Facebook,Myspace, Youtube etc..
>Get fitter and eat healthier.
>Practice my faith more regularly .
>Read for enjoyment more.
> learn and develop more intellectually and as a person.
> be more committed to blogging :)
So these are a few of my new years resolutions, the rest are too personal to write here. Happy new year to everyone and I'm going to leave you with my motto for two thousand and nine:
"he who fails to plan, plans to fail"
Refugee girl

A weekend away from the Capital

It's been ages since I last blogged...and I realise that I have missed it incredibly! I've been so busy these days that I even forgot I created this BLOG!! I know it sounds crazy but being my last year of college, the work load is enormous! Today was quite hectic...last minute packing before I travel to Belgium for the weekend. I will be travelling by Ferry and I'm absolutely terrified, plus I'm prone to sea-sickness so the journey won't exactly be very pleasant. I'm looking forward to it though because I definetly deserve a break, it's not exactly far or exotic but it will be great to get away from the hustle and bustle of life in London. OH I'll miss this place greatly, the crowded buses and terrible traffic, the very unpredictable weather, the regular tramp or druggie you encounter every time you walk down a deserted alley way...*sighs* then again maybe not : )

Of Noble Birth

This is a story I began recently, I don't know where I'm going with it yet but it basically focuses on the relationship between father and daughter.

My name is Najeeba. It’s an Arabic name which means ‘of noble birth’. Although there is no trace of nobility in our family line, my family takes a lot of pride in their heritage. I’ve been raised by my father, who now because of old age, is too weak and frail to do the simplest of tasks. I remember a time in my childhood, whilst crossing a small local road with my father, seeing a very old man standing on the other side of the road. He was stooped down so low that it was hard to see his face as he heavily leant on his walking stick to support him up. He then looked up, his facial features where difficult to make out, his face was lined with deeply set wrinkles; he had long grey wiry eyebrows that were very nearly touching. There were tufts of grey hair coming out of his hat and the way he was constantly opening and closing his mouth, as if he were adjusting his jaw or chewing on air, made me feel quite uncomfortable. As we walked past this man, my heart beat increased, I tightened my grip on my fathers hand, my eyes never leaving the old mans face. There was an animal like quality to the way this man was stooping and walking, which somehow made me feel uneasy. My father must have sensed how I was feeling because he then said…

“Humans eventually become victims of Age…Age can’t stand young, handsome and healthy men, so over the years he gnaws away at their youth, beauty and strength until one day they end up looking like him.”

As a child, my father encouraged me to ask questions but sometimes before I even got the chance to ask, my father would know exactly what I was thinking. It surprised me every time he read my exact thoughts or feelings, and even though it happened often; it always had the same affect on me. I was secretly in awe of this ability of his which as a child I described as magical. I would always say,

“Baba you’re magical…you really are, aren’t you?”

Looking back to that mild September day, I remember I was roughly 8 or 9, it was the end of the school day and we were walking home together, when we had come across the old man. I was thinking about what father had just said to me about Age as I tried to create a depiction of a character named Age in my head.Father however,interrupted my mental conjuring and said,

“That will be me one day….old age is like inverted childhood, all the things you learn and master as you grow older will once again become very difficult to do.”

I looked at him stunned…. “But Baba…. I began to say, but he cut me off.

“Will you look after me when I’m old Najeeba? Like I’ve been looking after you from when you were just a tiny baby up until now. Will you my dear child?”

I was stunned, as I imagined my father looking like the old man; “Age is going to do that to my Father!” I repeated in my head horrified. But what unsettled me the most was the sheer desperation in his voice. As I looked up into his face, I saw a flicker of emotion ripple across his face, but it was gone in an instant, before I could interpret it, leaving me feeling bewildered and lost. He smiled down at me and gently pulled my nose with his index finger and thumb and quietly whispered, almost as if saying it to himself,

“I know you would”. We walked in silence for the rest of the journey home.

Happy Birthday Girl!

I just want to dedicate this blog space to a very special friend of mine. It's her birthday tomorrow and I've written a little something for her...
"Funny how things never turn out the way we planned, but we still manage to laugh and enjoy ourself. Funny how we laugh at the most random of things, funny how you know what I'm going to say before I even open my mouth. You always make me smile, always make me cry with laughter, always there when I need support . I've shared my best and worst times with you, memories I will always cherish, even the most embarrassing ones.You will always be a very special friend to me, Happy birthday girl" xXx !